Sad Day

So I've been prepping my bosses and coworkers for weeks that I'm quitting soon. My last day at the Kroc Center was today, and I spent four hours at work this morning playing with toddlers for the last time. I sort of said my goodbyes to my coworkers over the weekend, but today a couple of kids came in who I see almost every week, and I just felt so grateful that I got to see them. I was even friends with their mother; one of the girls was only 1, and she used to cry every time she was left there. I was there and able to calm her down the first couple of times, so their mother starting asking for me after that. The girl has since become comfortable enough to stay without any fuss, but the mom still always recognizes me and is very nice to me.

Me: Lucy fell down today while she was playing with the walker. She didn't cry or anything, but she does have a little red mark on her forehead....

Lucy's Mom: So you hit her.

Me: Exactly.

Lucy's Mom: Haha, okay, well we'll see you next time!

So I made sure to hug both girls and play with them the whole time, and at some point I thought, "I'm so glad I got to see them...." which was fine, but was then followed by, "...because I'll probably never see them again." And I just started to feel absolutely awful, and even teared up a little. Then their mom came in and I helped to put their shoes on, and I thought about telling her that it was my last day, but I realized that I wouldn't be able to do it without crying, so I just let it go and hoped that my coworker wouldn't say anything. They left, and I felt even worse.

I love my coworkers there, and my job is really easy and fun, but having it's knowing that I'll never play with some of those kids again that really disturbs me. I've gotten to know some of them so well, watched them grow even.

One little girl never spoke a word of English the first couple of months she came, up until last week when she was using words and sentences in English, and she was so much happier!

Like Lucy, several toddlers cried the first several times they came in, until they warmed up to us and started crying when they had to leave instead.

A 4-year-old boy came in for the first time on Saturday and started crying in the corner when there were no other kids to play with. We promised to find his dad and I sat with him and colored, looked out the window and talked with him about the pool, his siblings, his school, until he was having a great time. When he left I asked if he would like to come back and play some more some time, and he asked, "Will you be here next time?" And I said yes to make sure that he was comfortable, and he agreed to come back. I know that I'll probably never see him again.

After work I ran some errands, had lunch (watched some Avatar), and went to tutoring. It was another easy day, chatting with my students, running vocabulary drills, and chatting with Laurie. At the end of the day I spoke with her about assigning my students to new tutors, which I had avoided doing because they didn't get along with the other tutors except Laurie, who has plenty of students. I finally decided who to put with who, and went into the main room to add my students to other tutors' lists. Just writing their names, names that I'd written at least twice a week for the last six months, names of students who I'd seen, worked, and spoken with several times a week since October, onto lists for other people, felt awful. I started tearing up again, sniffling, and trying to joke about it to avoid seeming callous without actually crying.

I keep telling the kids that I'll visit the school again in September of 2014, when they're all seniors. They keep joking that I won't be able to recognize them, and vice versa. I'm pretty sure that's true.

I hope I don't cry Thursday, when I actually have to say goodbye to them.